Sunday, September 26

I can't breathe.

11 weeks - Thats all I have until I move, I can't breathe, I can't move, I can barely think. I feel like I'm going into lock down, I'm so scared. Dad just painted over one our favourite memories, the height measurements on the doorway, and it feels like he was painting over my heart, he was so ruthless about it. I'm scared I'm going to forget, that everything will eventually be disjointed imaginings. 
I'm scared to lose my friends, and I know that if they are true friends it wouldn't happen. But people get busy, and it always happens. I'm scared to lose the other people, my classmates, because I know it will happen.
             But most all I'm sad, and I just want to curl and cry because it's happening so fast. Too fast. And that makes me afraid because it's starting to hit me that this is it. After we move there's no turning back, just like everything else. It's also hitting me I finish school way too soon (okay two years, but still) and I'm just praying I get into what I want. 

But everything about life at the moment just paralyzes me.

P.S. I think I have an anxiety disorder.


  1. That's so sad. I hope things wont change drastically. You just have to think positively, and hopefully everythintg will be ok. I know how you feel, sometimes I just wander where my life is going, its moving so fast and I fear the changes and not remembering.

    xx Carina

  2. Sometimes things that are scary can be a blessing in disguise. *hug*

  3. Things tend to change drastically these days. Those are some scary thoughts because big changes are a pretty big deal. Don't worry --- you're not alone.



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