Sunday, June 17

The monsters in my, yours, theirs, our heads.

Raise your hand if you have ever felt sad...I'm pretty sure most of us can easily put two hands up with all ten fingers flashing. Occasionally all of us go through those days where we don't want to wake up, where we just want to pull the covers up over the heads and put the sad music on repeat. But what about those with mental disorders, like depression and anorexia? What happens when the monster dragging them down doesn't listen to the darkness of the covers, instead sleep provides temporary relief from the gloom that clouds their vision.  Where it enjoys plaguing them with thoughts of criticism and horror every single day. Squeezing joy out of eyes, cuts and throats. So to all those who respond with 'it's just a phase, you'll feel better soon' or 'just toughen up, you're life is great'- yes, they will possibly see the sunshine sometime again,  and yes they they may have a great life by most social standards, but for now what are they going through sucks. The fact that they are able to wake up and walk around all day, hardly complain, makes them my heroes.   Maybe Doctors, Wonder Woman, Emily Pankhurst and the Buddha are yours, but to me nothing can be more amazing than those who believe they have no reason to live continue to do so. 

This is dedicated to all those who take pills to numb the sadness, pills that make you sick and empty. To the individuals who are striving for beauty through starvation. To those who stand in front of mirrors and see nothing but darkness. Here's to hoping one day that monster will shut up and go away. Here's to hoping that once again you may see and feel sunshine. May you never stop battling for release, because all of you are my heroes. 

P.S. To anyone who reads this and is having a bad day or is a battling with a permanent monster in their head, I'm always here to listen.


  1. Oh my god Felicity! This post is so amazing! I love you to bits for writing and expressing exactly how I feel! I suffer from anxiety (and depression so my Dr's say). So it's really beautiful to feel like, well...that's ok. We ARE brave, because we fight the biggest fight of all; the fight to live. I sincerely hope you are going okay. Love, Eri xxx

  2. wow, im impressed. very strong of you to write this (:

    this reminds me of that girl, oliva penpraze, who committed suicide due to depression, because she couldnt fight the monster that kept her hating herself. her video was sad but beautiful. it really does show us how sick human beings can really be sometimes though.

    xxx scarzz

  3. You write the most amazing things. I hope everything is okay on your end and please - keep writing and reading and dreaming.


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