Sunday, September 15

Pain is necessary, but so is love

Do not look for a sanctuary in anyone except your self.
—  Siddhārtha Gautama 

*Things were going swell with the African, I was happy, he was happy, we were happy.
*Then things started to not feel so swell...
*I started to feel things were not right with us.
*I listened to my gut instincts and broke it off.
*We stayed friends because he wanted to be friends.
*He kept trying to win me back, I remained where I was.
*He then tried to guilt trip me, I remained where I was (I am my mother's daughter).
*He then stopped talking to me.
*I found out he hooked up with a girl.
*I was hurt because I liked being friends with him and it was then I kind of realised he was using me to fill his emptiness (also, actions speak louder than words).
*He then started talking to me again.
*I'm still hurt because I feel foolish for believing in someone. 
*And I don't know if I'm being unreasonable.

So now my heart and mind are a mess but I guess these things happen. I do know that I do not feel romantically for the African, that I only feel friendship. We just weren't suited for each other in the end. But I just can't stop analysing what were were and how I could have been so easily misled by his character. I know he's not a bad person, he's actually a very generous person, just a person who's looking for something to fill the void. He's a blackhole.

I’m not the silly romantic you think. I don’t want the heavens or the shooting stars. I don’t want gemstones or gold. I have those things already. I want…a steady hand. A kind soul. I want to fall asleep, and wake, knowing my heart is safe. I want to love, and be loved.
—  Shana Abe

I just hope that one day I can find someone who wants to be with me because they like me not because they want a relationship.


  1. i'm really sorry it had to end that way felicity. as cruel as it sounds, the old saying "we accept the love we think we deserve" sort of applies deserve someone who wants to be with YOU and thinks you are the most beautiful person in the whole wide world; not just someone who wants to be in a relationship. good luck in the future, you really do deserve to find happiness amongst all this pain xx

  2. Ah, sorry to hear it dear dear girl. It's a good thing though that you realised it and had the strength to accept it even though it was not easy to do so. My thoughts are with you.


  3. If you were here I would give you a great hug and try to piece your broken heart together. Unfortunately relationships are...awfully messy things and we seem to hurt the people we care about the most (it is so easy). But I am glad you had the courage to step back and look at what you really want, and trust me, things will work out in the end, when you are least expecting it to.


♥ i'm REALLY slow on replying, so if i haven't in a few days. please. please. please. don't take offense.