When I was in year 10 and completely freaking about 'the big move', I created a time capsule. There was one for beautiful things I had collected. Then there was one for thoughts. Questions to reflect upon, what I had wore, wrote, done, eaten that day and just random musings. Then when I was in year 12 and completely freaking about 'the big shake-up' I made one again. Except this time with just thoughts.
It's really interesting to look back on the person I was and in some cases still am. To see the things I thought were the most important things in the world. And it turns out they're right, none of it really matters in the end. Those exams I cried silly tears over and stressed out like I couldn't believe. However, today I would like to share with you the questions I asked and the answers I'm giving.
How is university?
At the beginning it hit me like a tonne of bricks, almost literally, but more like a tonne of books and bills. Now though, I feel a lot more calmer about it all. I know that this semester was just about finding my feet and next semester I know what I can improve on. Reflection - you use it all the time in both nursing and midwifery. I know that I'll need to be on my feet more though, midwifery goes up another gear. The people though, lovely, lovely, lovely. I've made some really beautiful friends and not quite with the people I expected to either. I'm still a butterfly though, not quite able to settle.
Who are you still in contact with?
I hardly talk to Miss B, Nose, Duck or Greg Is Awesome anymore, which is weird because last year I couldn't live without them. When we do message each other, it's always awkward and short. None of us really divulging all our secrets, our cards much closer to our chests. I've been talking to That's Cute heaps, mostly because I realised that someday I will have to get over my fear that I'm boring and that I can't make conversation. I talk heaps to Hippie and Ears, which I'm still up in the air about whether or not that's a good thing. They're not the best influences. Moonchild and I still write essays, which I love. 'The Girls' and I have nice long chats here and there, which is comforting. I still miss a lot of people though and I just wish we were all back at school so I can hold their faces in my hands and just look into their eyes and see if they're okay. Also hug them, I miss hugging.
Who are your friends?
Some of the weirdest, loudest and funniest people ever. There's Potato, who's quite literally obsessed with potatoes and all that they stand for. Which is apparently peace. Then there's Asian J and Asian M, who are so loud and noisy that you almost feel invisible. There's the beautiful Nepal and Writer, two quiet souls in the background. Then there's Blondie, who is probably the least likely person I thought I'd make friends with. And Richmond, from my old school who I was actually glad to leave behind when I left. Then there are the other lovely people who have just been so supportive and generous and ugh, beautiful (there's that word again). I'm grateful, I really am.
Have you been in a relationship yet?
No, I'm still awkward as fuck when it comes to guys. Plus, my course is kind of lacking straight guy interaction - but that's okay, I'm not ready for a boyfriend. I don't even know how to love myself yet.
What do you do for yourself?
I've found that reading actually helps and I've realised that was probably half the problem last year. I didn't read enough. There is nothing more wonderful then escaping into a book. I've also started to grow sunflowers, which is the scariest thing ever because they're really growing. I've been planting out the seedlings lately and I'm super nervous about any of them dying. I've accidentally killed a few and I know I have a whole bag full of seed, they're still my babies. It's made me realise how magical and precious life is. I've also taken up meditation and have found that I've been able to do it quite consistently. I've picked up the camera again and I had forgotten how good it feels between my fingers. A year of surprises.
How was Shave For A Cure?
One word - empowering. Also a few more - a great social experiment/experience.
More fun that it used to be, mostly because I've started to build friendships there. It's also a bit sad because I know that most of the people graduate or leave soon. I guess that's the point, nothing lasts forever. The usual customer behaviours are grating my nerves and I'm working on not letting it get to me. I've also found it's great practice for nursing and midwifery. As well as, learning on how to reflect on first impressions, or second, or third. It makes me want to be a better person and to think more carefully of the words and actions that I choose.
How are the family?
T and V are engaged! It's so very exciting and wonderful. I'm so extremely happy for them, to the point I've surprised myself. It's weird being an only child and I'm still going through the motions of trying to love my parents. I'm getting on better with D than I used to, but it's hard. I just don't know why though.
I would apologise for writing so much, but I'm starting to learn that I don't have to apologise for existing. For having thoughts and writing them down. It's important that we all stop doing that though.