Dear You - I know who I'm writing to now

Dear You,

You sure do work in mysterious ways, don't you? There I was scared of vulnerability and affection, then bam! you sent 'the boy' my way. A boy who is very tall and has dark hair, just like she told me he would be. A boy who I met outside somewhere where people go and dance. A boy who understands I have walls and secrets and monster in my head, but doesn't care anyway. In fact, he actually wants to help breakdown those walls and secrets and monsters. A boy who said he likes me for my intelligence and the fact that I know books. He even likes the fact that I have short hair. Although, he did admit my boobs are pretty nice.
Okay, it did take me a while to not hate him for making me all giggly and hopeful and to admit that I did like him . Thank god for Ears and Moon Child and Hippy, for not letting me give up and freak out. But I do, I really like this boy.
Especially the way he plays with my fingers.
We've both talked about not wanting to be in each other pockets and to remind each other of our passions and goals.
So thank you, for sending this weird and wonderful boy my way. A boy who most importantly makes me feel safe.

Lots of love,
Fliss.

An Epiphany

Tonight I went out with a boy and we drove around and talked. There were little awkward gaps, as we are still getting to know each other. But it made me realise something, I've always chosen people who speak over the top of me. People who are so busy sharing their voice that mine is silenced. I thought that I was always just such a quiet person but now, I think it's because it's so much easier to not have a voice than it is to have one. I guess it's because I've felt so numb lately, that I don't know what I feel/think towards things. I know how to empathise and agree. But to actually have a voice, I don't know. I prefer the silence.

Please listen if you have the time :)